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Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

GeekMBA360 — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:09:13 -0000

Thanks for the comments!

You had great awareness of some of the issues you have with your parents, and you have taken a lot of actions to address these issues. Kudos to you!

Also, I think it's good that you study hard -- it'll pay off down the road. That's a good thing that you should be proud of. Don't get distracted by your "slacker/partying" classmates. :-)

I'd also challenge you to continue to build/enhance your relationship with your parents -- no parents is perfect. I'm learning that every single day as we have two young children. :-) I think it's important for both parents and kids to continue to improve and build a healthier relationship as they grow older.

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

Vanessa — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:22:50 -0000

Great thought-provoking article... In fact, I'm currently in one of your situations right now. I'm Aussie, and currently in university. Over here we aren't sent off to study in uni if it's nearby. Generation Y here are still rather parental dependant. It's not like home is such a terribly place either; food's at the table when I want it, clothes are washed and dried when I need them to be, family members are outgoing and bubbly people, but still it does not feel right.

That is why I have been staying back at uni, or sleeping at friends' houses (and studying til late for exams) simply to stay away from the household distractions. I have a very important career path ahead of me which I must nurture. I have been proactive and have told my parents my goals, ambitions and what I want to happen in the next 5 years. (This has got them off my back a bit.) This does not mean I do not like to spend quality time with them however.

When I first started going out late and coming home late, I would cop the guilt. I'm young, Asian and female too - doesn't really help lol. I study hard, do chores, play sports and like to keep fit, earn my own buck and do volunteer work. I only come home when I want to now, as I'm trying to balance the life between family, friends, uni and future career. (Even friends find it hard to understand why I'm studying or working so hard - most simply want to 'party').

Being less-dependant of my parents and siblings have made me become less-stubborn, childish and 'airy-fairy' in many ways.

I'm now much more decisive, hard-headed and irrestistable may I say? Ha ha

I could go on forever but I should really stop here...

(oh, and I've yet to continue to be proactive, take actions, and find that balance!)

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

Vanessa — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:22:08 -0000

Being less-dependant of my parents and siblings have made me become less-stubborn, childish and 'airy-fairy' in many ways.

I'm now much more decisive, hard-headed and irrestistable may I say? Ha ha

I could go on forever but I should really stop here...

(oh, and I've yet to continue to be proactive, take actions, and find that balance!)

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

Bing — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 04:08:43 -0000

It takes courage to face one's own past and try to learn something from it. I too have had a tense relationship with my parents. It took me years to unwind the anger. Nevertheless, growing up with controlling parents profoundly distorted my view of the world.

In a way, being controlling conveys a message of dominance. There are many elements in intra-family relationship. Power relation is certainly part of mix. However, in some families, this element is so projected that it overshadows other elements. You often heard parents say to their children, "I tell you to do this-or-that is for your own good." In other words, they count "dominance" as "caring" or "love" too.

When a child growing up knowing nothing but power-dominance in family relationship, and because the family is the most intimate social space to a child, he/she will grow up thinking power-dominance as THE inter-personal relationship. Although different child may develop different behavioral reactions to this mentality, ultimately they all react along the same line: some become super competitive (as to dominate others), others become super "nice" (as to accommodate others). In fact, they are the two sides of the same coin.

Peter Peterson confessed in his memoir that he developed a super-competitive personality largely because he was brought up by a Greek mother that "made Jewish mothers look criminally negligent". After his first marriage broke up, he underwent intensive psychotherapy to overcome his past.

I don't know what a child can do other than to unwind, to unlearn in adulthood. The responsibility really lies with the parents. They should realize when they teach their children, they are not only teaching them something about this world. But more importantly, they are teaching them how to relate to others in this world.

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

Owen — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 15:41:14 -0000

I appreciate this post. I can relate and I love your attitude. Acknowledge sources of problems but also acknowledge whose hands the solution is in now. Bon courage!

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

Freeman Ding — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 01:41:04 -0000

Thanks a lot for this thought-provoking post. I fully agree that it is better to be proactive and take actions for any problem with parents. Or could I say like this way: actually I believe a large part of human's personality has root relation with the one's family background such as parents' background, how they educate the child etc., and the career success has much with one's personality (or so-called leadership characteristics in business schools :-), so in this sense I also think the relationship with the parents really have a lot to do with the career success.

Fortunately I was born with very open-minded parents. They are very strict for the fundamental human value systems such as honesty, integrity, loyalty etc., but they are quite lenient in every life detail. They never do scrutiny, they always respect my own decisions, listen to me and discuss with me like my good friends. Actually even today I still think my parents are the two best friends of mine. I guess the education I received from my parents is really the reason for my critical thinking pattern and good people skills. I think I am lucky, and always feel gratitude to them.

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

GeekMBA360 — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:14:00 -0000

You're right -- I knew many Asian Americans who could related to this story. But, you'd be surprised by how common a problem this is across racial, ethic and cultural lines. After all, we're all humans. :-)

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

Pete — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:22:34 -0000

Are you Asian-American? Many people can relate to your story.

Re: Your relationship with your parents have a lot to do with your career success

Jeremy Day — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:40:41 -0000

Hi,

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I have always had problems making decisions. Although my parents are partly the cause I can not come close to blaming them entirely.

My personality has a lot to do with it too. But ones always needs to remember to never under-estimate the power our past and upbringing have on us. There really is something to it. This is a good helpful article.

Cheers,
Jeremy